We all have special dates in our hearts and that hold special meaning as life moves along day to day throughout the year. For some it is an anniversary, perhaps a birthday and others the annual review day at work. If you are one of the unfortunate individuals to be cheated on there is another date that is always looming in the back of your mind and it is referred to as discovery day. Discovery day is the day a betrayed partner finally put all the pieces of the affair together, found their significant other cheating or the rare occasion in which a wandering partner discloses the affair before being discovered. No matter how you figured out the affair, discovery day sticks with you like a branded tattoo on a bicep. It is the day your significant other betrayed you in a manner that few have ever been betrayed. The intense feelings of anger and rage only make discovery day feel like a flashbulb memory day when you recall where you were when you realized you were in a relationship with a cheater. I recall what I was wearing, what my girlfriend was wearing and conversations I had with her and her other man in my apartment. Even now I can feel the emotions attempting to rush towards the surface as I remember the situation years ago. Initially discovery day is measured by hours. I could not believe my girlfriend was cheating on me. This was other an issue that happened to other people not me. I believed I was in a healthy relationship. Each hour after discovery day seemed to crawl by like the time on an exercise bike when you repeatedly glance at how much time you have left. Than discovery day is measured in days basking in the notion that as each day went by I was surviving this horrible ordeal. The pain and the hurt did not cease or seem to let up but I was surviving; barely. At times I was so wrought with emotions that I had trouble breathing and I doubted that I had any tears left to release from my eyes. The anger began to eat at me and I wanted to find an outlet for my anger that was not destructive. Soon discovery day led into weeks. Wandering partners get frustrated when you discuss discovery day because like their behavior it is a reminder of their immaturity, selfishness and lack of communication. The betrayed partner continues to look back at the discovery day like an old veteran looks at a newly erected war memorial. The memories are not always positive but each day is a reminder of the survival. After a few months of attempted reconciliation I gave up and left my girlfriend knowing that I could never really trust or respect her ever again. We were no longer together yet at six months after the discovery date I recalled what I had been through and how far I had come since the day I realized I was sharing my girlfriend with someone else. Even more odd was at one year many of the feelings from the affair came forward again. I felt like I was reliving the affair and I had not even spoken to my girlfriend in months at the one year anniversary day of the affair. I was very angry as the anniversary of discovery day approached. I recalled how poorly I had been treated and almost felt like I was reliving the affair all over again. In many ways I felt worse on the anniversary day because I thought I would not have to reexamine the relationship again once I exited the relationship. I received a heavy dose of depression and an unwillingness to even contemplate forgiveness on this day. I hated that I even thought about my ex-girlfriend on this day. Even now as I look back in early fall as the seasons change the smell of the musty air fills my lungs, rustling leaves and cool weather leads me back to a fall evening when I arrived home unexpectedly to an apartment with an extra guest for my girlfriend. It is a day that betrayed partners slowly remove from their yearly checklist but for a few years it looms large as both a barrier and reminder of a horrible event or a beacon for what can be accomplished if both parties in a relationship choose reconciliation. You have to choose what the definition of discovery day will mean for you. For a few years it will affect you. If positive changes occur in your relationship it will serve as a reminder of what you nearly lost.
Showing posts with label Discovery Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Discovery Day. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Recalling Discovery Day
We all have special dates in our hearts and that hold special meaning as life moves along day to day throughout the year. For some it is an anniversary, perhaps a birthday and others the annual review day at work. If you are one of the unfortunate individuals to be cheated on there is another date that is always looming in the back of your mind and it is referred to as discovery day. Discovery day is the day a betrayed partner finally put all the pieces of the affair together, found their significant other cheating or the rare occasion in which a wandering partner discloses the affair before being discovered. No matter how you figured out the affair, discovery day sticks with you like a branded tattoo on a bicep. It is the day your significant other betrayed you in a manner that few have ever been betrayed. The intense feelings of anger and rage only make discovery day feel like a flashbulb memory day when you recall where you were when you realized you were in a relationship with a cheater. I recall what I was wearing, what my girlfriend was wearing and conversations I had with her and her other man in my apartment. Even now I can feel the emotions attempting to rush towards the surface as I remember the situation years ago. Initially discovery day is measured by hours. I could not believe my girlfriend was cheating on me. This was other an issue that happened to other people not me. I believed I was in a healthy relationship. Each hour after discovery day seemed to crawl by like the time on an exercise bike when you repeatedly glance at how much time you have left. Than discovery day is measured in days basking in the notion that as each day went by I was surviving this horrible ordeal. The pain and the hurt did not cease or seem to let up but I was surviving; barely. At times I was so wrought with emotions that I had trouble breathing and I doubted that I had any tears left to release from my eyes. The anger began to eat at me and I wanted to find an outlet for my anger that was not destructive. Soon discovery day led into weeks. Wandering partners get frustrated when you discuss discovery day because like their behavior it is a reminder of their immaturity, selfishness and lack of communication. The betrayed partner continues to look back at the discovery day like an old veteran looks at a newly erected war memorial. The memories are not always positive but each day is a reminder of the survival. After a few months of attempted reconciliation I gave up and left my girlfriend knowing that I could never really trust or respect her ever again. We were no longer together yet at six months after the discovery date I recalled what I had been through and how far I had come since the day I realized I was sharing my girlfriend with someone else. Even more odd was at one year many of the feelings from the affair came forward again. I felt like I was reliving the affair and I had not even spoken to my girlfriend in months at the one year anniversary day of the affair. I was very angry as the anniversary of discovery day approached. I recalled how poorly I had been treated and almost felt like I was reliving the affair all over again. In many ways I felt worse on the anniversary day because I thought I would not have to reexamine the relationship again once I exited the relationship. I received a heavy dose of depression and an unwillingness to even contemplate forgiveness on this day. I hated that I even thought about my ex-girlfriend on this day. Even now as I look back in early fall as the seasons change the smell of the musty air fills my lungs, rustling leaves and cool weather leads me back to a fall evening when I arrived home unexpectedly to an apartment with an extra guest for my girlfriend. It is a day that betrayed partners slowly remove from their yearly checklist but for a few years it looms large as both a barrier and reminder of a horrible event or a beacon for what can be accomplished if both parties in a relationship choose reconciliation. You have to choose what the definition of discovery day will mean for you. For a few years it will affect you. If positive changes occur in your relationship it will serve as a reminder of what you nearly lost.
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