Most
individuals view marriage as a serious commitment. The period of time from
dating until the wedding day is research material for fiancés and dating
partners to determine whether or not the person they are dating is worth a
potential lifetime investment. Some people make it through the process to
become spouses others are unable to make it into potential lifelong partners
and are necessarily discarded. Making a commitment in front of family and
friends brings serious expectations of the future. Many of us naively believe
that marriage will be easy, wonderful and will last until our very last breath.
Some ignore very serious red flags, warning signs and obvious evidence that
perhaps they are marrying a person they should not be. Even signs as serious as
infidelity are often put aside, forgiven or dealt with in order to traverse the
aisles of a planned wedding day but should a betrayed fiancé go ahead with a
wedding given a partners cheating?
All too many
people play the forgive and forget game to stumble down the aisle with
resentment hoping a beautiful wedding day will patch the holes that are left
gaping in the trust of their relationship resulting from infidelity. Simply
making it to the wedding seldom actually patches the holes left from the
betrayal before the wedding day and will not change what has previously
occurred. I find that cheaters often remember that they were forgiven years ago
and appear to believe the same will happen in subsequent instances when
cheating is discovered in the future. A betrayed partner took him back before
the better or for worse exchanges what is so different after the vows are
exchanged? Cheating fiancés really have no reason to change if they are
forgiven and more times than not find themselves unraveled in future cheating
situations.
After a
marriage has taken place it becomes a bit more difficult to end a relationship.
The process of divorce is stressful, embarrassing and full of feelings of
failure. Many betrayed individuals look back with the glasses of hindsight
wishing they had taken the opportunity to save themselves for a second gouging
of infidelity from a cheater before their wedding day and ran from their
fiancées. A marriage that begins with a loss of trust really does not have much
of a chance to succeed. Difficult situations in marriages bring back the old
memories of cheating that really never completely go away. Nights out with
friends while you are at home keep a person reflecting and wondering exactly
what is taking place on these evening given a cheaters past misdeeds. Instead
of hypnotizing yourself with the mantra that the cheater has changed and is
different, it makes much more sense to find a person that does not cause such
anxiety provoking memories from the past.
It makes much
more sense in my opinion to just cut all loses if children are not involved if
a person shows their true character before the wedding date. Breaking off an
engagement is much less stressful than a divorce, with children and assets.
Leaving town for a business trip or family visits are much easier with a person
whom you have never known to be unfaithful than a person who has proven they
are capable of cheating. It is difficult to look beyond the pain we are currently
in at times and individuals fear loneliness, change and starting over that
accompany a break up.
Maybe some
people are more gifted than me at forgiveness. I honestly found it impossible
to forget, I had to learn that I had self respect and collect it again and I am
happier because of it. A person that cheats on their fiancée is actually
presenting them the gift by cheating before the wedding. It is an opportunity
to run from these selfish narcissists and find someone more suitable for you.
It is better to find out before a wedding than after with several kids,
property, finances, etc. Take the gift of your freedom and invest it in a
person worth sharing your goals and expectations. I find that when a person
displays who they are to go ahead and believe them, not their meaningless
words.
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