Why Am I The Only One Working Towards Reconciliation?

It is very difficult to work at reconciling after an affair. This becomes even more difficult if only one of you is actually working towards recovery. Separating from an affair partner is difficult because there is often a connection between the affair partner and the wandering partner. The wandering partner does often have emotions and feelings associated with the loss of this relationship. Unfortunately these feeling often cannot be expressed in a healthy manner openly if they are undergoing reconciliation with their primary partner. The primary partner is not going to be too sympathetic to the stages of grief associated with an affair relationship but these feelings and stages do occur in the wandering partner. This is why individual counseling and/or counseling with the primary partner is very beneficial if reconciliation is to be attempted. The wandering partner's feelings of grief for the affair partner can be interpreted as feelings of love by the betrayed partner or lead to thinking that the wandering partner is still attached to the affair partner. As difficult as it is, the wandering partner will need time to recognize the loss of the affair and the affair partner while being asked to reconcile with the primary partner. After I discovered the affair of my girlfriend I looked for the perfect thing to say, the way I should act to display that I wanted to work on repairing our relationship and even began on working towards areas in the relationship where I believed I made mistakes. As much as I attempted to correct these errors and work at reconciling; it was obvious I was working alone or was at least working harder than my girlfriend who had cheated. That was a big indicator to me that I needed to communicate my frustration and expectations regarding reconciliation to my girlfriend. There are no perfect words, displays of affection or romantic gestures that can make someone commit to you or love you. Begging your partner to be faithful or manipulation tactics seldom work a changing the situation in your relationship. If you as the betrayed partner are carrying more of the workload towards reconciliation you may want to reconsider reconciliation. Someone who cheats on their partner and truly wants to work at repairing the relationship will make all the right moves and work extra hard to at least appear willing to work at reconciliation. If the betrayed partner feels like the scales are tipped to their side regarding reconciliation communicate these concerns immediately and be prepared to verbalize your expectations. If your expectations are met with frustration and you find yourself at an impasse be prepared to implement consequences such as a separation, breakup or some time apart to regroup.