After The Affair

One of the most difficult parts of a relationship after the affair is having the ability to trust your partner. I simply could not do it and eventually burnt myself out with racing thoughts and mental images of my girlfriend with her affair partner. The missing elements that I had no information about regarding my girlfriend's infidelity my mind simply filled in with masochistic images. I had no ability to count on my girlfriends loyalty if my girlfriend was not right in my sight at all times. This loss of trust only ate at my heart ever so deeply as trust evaporated rapidly. After losing trust, another difficult portion of rebuilding a relationship after an affair is trying to connect to your partner again. The emotional strain dealt to a betrayed partner from the wandering partner is so appalling I am amazed that anyone actually is able to recuperate from an affair. An affair removes so much respect from a relationship as well as injecting anger, tremendous pain and an abundance of agony into a betrayed partner. Most of the time after an initial discovery of an affair partners go on autopilot and become more acquaintances than committed partners. I found myself not knowing what I wanted after the discovery of my girlfriend's affair. I told myself I wanted to work at reconciling the relationship but I had reservations about allowing her another opportunity to tear me to pieces all over again. The wandering partner often wants to understand what the status of the relationship is and in the beginning there is so much shock from betrayal that few can make rational decisions during this period. As time went on during the attempted reconciliation period which lasted only a few months in my case it was clear my partner was unwilling to fully let go of the affair partner. It is only when the choice was made by me to leave that she suddenly wanted a more serious attempt at our relationship. This is a very common occurrence from a cheating partner. They will treat you like a doormat if you allow them to and they seldom willingly give up all aspects of their affair partners unless boundaries are set. Those in affairs often attempt to fragment the affair after it is discovered. The cheaters often make statements stating that they will still remain friends but no physical relationship any longer. The affair partner's friendship is vital to them or will make other excuses to keep them in their life. Make sure that all your expectations are being met and if they are broken hold your partner accountable. There should be absolutely no contact or any form of a relationship after the discovery of an affair if reconciliation has any chance. If your partner wants their cake and eat it too, it is not your responsibility to serve them the cake. Be careful of an affair partner agreeing to everything and wanting to make life changes such as marriage or more committed relationship out of fear of losing the relationship you have with them. Your cheating partner has displayed a history of lying and deceitful behavior and may attempt to lure you back into submission with these pathetic attempts at restoring a relationship with you. In due time it will be clear that you often do not want a person like a cheating partner in your life. Make no major life decisions regarding your relationship if at all possible after discovery the affair. Someone wanting reconciliation would follow every expectation put in front of them from a betrayed partner. A partner who makes excuses or cannot dislodge themselves from their little side treat should be avoided until they display the ability to change if at all. The cheating partner thought nothing of abandoning your relationship with an affair. They must display actions that state otherwise if you ever wish to fully reconnect as a couple in a relationship again.