Expectations of a Wandering Partner Post-Affair

Many people in a relationship that is threatened with the disaster of infidelity do attempt to work on repairing the relationship. For this to occur, I believe that it is important that the betrayed partner have some very clear expectations in their mind about what they will tolerate once both individuals in the relationship agree to attempt to reconcile the relationship. The betrayed partner has to be very watchful that the break between the affair partner and their significant other actually takes place. It is very difficult to completely break free from an affair even when the affair is discovered by the betrayed partner. Most often some feelings have developed with the affair partner and the affair itself was addictive in nature to the wandering partner. It is not uncommon for the wandering spouse to attempt to reconnect or seek out the affair partner weeks or months after the discovery of the affair by a betrayed partner. It is imperative that the betrayed partner stress transparency in the wandering partner's life and that the betrayed partner take care of themselves first. I am not stating that the betrayed partner should date others or look for other relationships. I believe that keeping busy and not completely investing everything in a person whom has recently betrayed you in the most intimate way is important for the person whom was betrayed. A betrayed partner has to make it clear to the wandering partner what will and will not be tolerated as the couple attempt to reconcile a very fragile relationship. First of all, contact between the wandering partner and affair partner must cease immediately. Any further contact such as phone calls, e-mails, text messages should be disclosed to the betrayed partner and all contact should be as short as possible. The wandering partner should reaffirm that the affair is over to their former affair partner if contacted by the affair partner and be very brief with very well established boundaries. If the affair took place in the work place only work place conversations will be allowed (I strongly suggest new employment or a transfer if possible). These boundaries have to be established and adhered to; no exceptions. If they are not, the betrayed partner has to make some tough decisions about the relationship. If your partner is unable to make a full commitment towards repairing the relationship than I see no reason to continue working towards reconciling the relationship because you are doing so individually. If you notice more lies, repeated contact with affair partner and feel you are doing more work than the person who betrayed the relationship; leave and find someone who will treat you in the manner you rightly deserve.