Living The Lie of an Affair

One part of the affair that really dealt me the biggest blow was finding out how long my girlfriend was living a lie of the affair. As I reflected on how long the affair had taken place before I discovered what was taking place, I thought about how we sat together at dinner at times and how she was able to just sit there knowing she was cheating on me with a straight face knowing I knew nothing. This played into my decision much later into why I left the relationship a few months later. As a cheating partner engages in an affair the affair begins to amass emotional energy normally utilized for the primary relationship. The wandering partner has to remember which lies they have told whom, keeping their stories straight from the betrayed partner and juggling a host of emotions between the primary partner and the affair partners. Feelings of guilt and loss of comfort begin to eat away at the wandering partner along with their feelings towards the relationship. For most the affair begins to eat away at them like a parasite slowly triggering a conscience the wandering partner failed to recognize before the affair took place. Relationships become difficult and often unsustainable without trust and honesty. An affair completely obliterates both concepts like using TNT to open a soup can. If someone can sit across from the table from me knowing they are having an affair with someone outside of our relationship, I also knew that there were probably other issues that she was concealing in our relationship that were directly related to the relationship. Living a lie begins to show up in other ways in the relationship. Often the wandering partner begins to make mistakes and inadvertently disclosing signs of cheating. When you confine something as significant as an affair from your primary partner parts of the relationship suffer. Intimacy begins to noticeably taper off like close friends suddenly moving apart, communication dwindles in many areas of the relationship and issues regarding the relationship are stunted for any real opportunities for growth. Living a lie of an affair does take its toll on even the most hardened individuals. Even if a person is able to pull off the façade of being in an affair while in a committed relationship the guilt does often surface even years later compelling some cheaters to confess long after the affair is over. Getting involved or attempting to reconcile with an individual who can so easily live a lie and attempt to live their live with you is a danger to your mental and emotional health. Tread very carefully should you decide to attempt reconciliation. Over half of all affairs go undiscovered by a betrayed spouse.