Neediness of Cheaters

There are very few things that are as painful as finding out that your partner has cheated on you with another individual. The thoughts that immediately raced through my mind after learning of my girlfriends affair could have landed me in prison had I verbalized them to anyone. Being cheated on is about as much fun as bobbing for lemons while sporting an open oozing cold sore. Conventional wisdom and my college counselor informed me that there are always two sides to every situation and I understand that I could have done things differently at times. One thing I learned shortly after studying infidelity is that an affair is seldom the result of the betrayed partner and has much more to do with the selfishness of the wandering partner. If relationships are in such bad shapes that the wandering partner feels it necessary to look elsewhere, why aren't both partners cheating routinely in these relationships? After selfish people are caught cheating and confronted their only logical step is blame everyone else but themselves because this is next to impossible with selfishness, narcissistic people. Most people who are cheated on could have done many things better such as communication, working on the relationship, or other needs the wandering partner found lacking. These are not excuses for cheating. No matter what some people have they always more, better and they believe they can find that elsewhere no matter what. I do not believe that a relationship should have to worry about the hazards of infidelity because not every single need is being met. Unfortunately this is what you get with from self-centered people. Some people like my girlfriend were a black hole of neediness constantly sucking in more energy from our relationship leaving me exhausted; but I never cheated. I could not have given her anymore of myself and it still was not enough. Some people just will not allow themselves to be happy. There are many ways to address problems in relationships when things get difficult and cheating is a very poor selfish choice. Since I found out my girlfriend cheated I have gained self-respect and will never tolerate cheating or behaviors that approach or point towards cheating. My relationships have been much more successful since I put a stop to allowing people in relationships to use me as a consolation prize or a doormat. If you find yourself repeatedly in relationships that involve infidelity begin to look at how you allow people to treat you and the types of people you seek out for relationships. In the end I have learned that some people have a different definition of love and commitment than I do. Try not to spend too much time trying to understand what you could have done to prevent infidelity or cheating. Many times it is the result of a very self-absorbed partner thinking only of themselves and believing they deserve whatever they want.