After being cheated on by my girlfriend I found myself wanting to return the pain she had bestowed upon me with her selfish behavior. It was amazing how quickly I was ready to go off and attempt to attain balance in our relationship by having a little fun of my own just to hurt my cheating girlfriend. As I pointed out in my last post these revenge affairs seldom provide the answers the betrayed partner is looking for. These escapades only complicate a relationship and the balance we seek by repaying our partners with infidelity of our own only creates other imbalances in the relationship. After I caught my girlfriend cheating we sat down and talked about reconciling and what needed to happen to repair our relationship. For several days I looked at my girlfriend and was really disgusted as I looked at her. It was considerably intriguing to me at times how I could love and care for a person one day but feel repulsed and nauseated towards her the follow day after finding out I was dating a cheater. I had difficulty looking at her and I was often so angry at her I did not even want to see her at all. This was the first tip-off that I needed to remove myself from her presence by moving out and separating. Getting payback through infidelity of my own would only lead to me compromising my own morality as well as classifying myself into the realm of cheaters. This is not who I am and I did not ever have to admit that I was a cheater to anyone. Once you introduce the genie of infidelity into a relationship and into your coping mechanisms in relationships there is no getting it back after the deed is done. Some individuals seek empowerment, looking for a self-esteem boost and a way to distribute their anger through revenge affairs. These feelings would be much better addressed in counseling or communicating with your partner. As the idea of a revenge affair or evening the score started to become appealing to me I remember the first few minutes of my discussion with my girlfriend after we attempted to communicate the reasons or excuses for her cheating. As her lips moved attempting to pour out a litany of excuses for her cheating behaviors; none of her excuses were reasonable to me and were inexcusable as she continued to rationalize her behavior. When it comes to cheating there are no good reasons or excuses and that includes revenge affairs. In many ways revenge affairs are worse than actually cheating because they are intended to intentionally inflict harm on the straying partner. Often a straying partner is not intentionally harming the betrayed partner but is just self-centered and selfish hoping they never get caught. If one needs to go out and purposely harm someone by means of a revenge affair why stay in a relationship at all?
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Revenge Affairs
After being cheated on by my girlfriend I found myself wanting to return the pain she had bestowed upon me with her selfish behavior. It was amazing how quickly I was ready to go off and attempt to attain balance in our relationship by having a little fun of my own just to hurt my cheating girlfriend. As I pointed out in my last post these revenge affairs seldom provide the answers the betrayed partner is looking for. These escapades only complicate a relationship and the balance we seek by repaying our partners with infidelity of our own only creates other imbalances in the relationship. After I caught my girlfriend cheating we sat down and talked about reconciling and what needed to happen to repair our relationship. For several days I looked at my girlfriend and was really disgusted as I looked at her. It was considerably intriguing to me at times how I could love and care for a person one day but feel repulsed and nauseated towards her the follow day after finding out I was dating a cheater. I had difficulty looking at her and I was often so angry at her I did not even want to see her at all. This was the first tip-off that I needed to remove myself from her presence by moving out and separating. Getting payback through infidelity of my own would only lead to me compromising my own morality as well as classifying myself into the realm of cheaters. This is not who I am and I did not ever have to admit that I was a cheater to anyone. Once you introduce the genie of infidelity into a relationship and into your coping mechanisms in relationships there is no getting it back after the deed is done. Some individuals seek empowerment, looking for a self-esteem boost and a way to distribute their anger through revenge affairs. These feelings would be much better addressed in counseling or communicating with your partner. As the idea of a revenge affair or evening the score started to become appealing to me I remember the first few minutes of my discussion with my girlfriend after we attempted to communicate the reasons or excuses for her cheating. As her lips moved attempting to pour out a litany of excuses for her cheating behaviors; none of her excuses were reasonable to me and were inexcusable as she continued to rationalize her behavior. When it comes to cheating there are no good reasons or excuses and that includes revenge affairs. In many ways revenge affairs are worse than actually cheating because they are intended to intentionally inflict harm on the straying partner. Often a straying partner is not intentionally harming the betrayed partner but is just self-centered and selfish hoping they never get caught. If one needs to go out and purposely harm someone by means of a revenge affair why stay in a relationship at all?
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