Holding Cheaters Accountable

One thing that rang loud and clear for me once I discovered my girlfriend was cheating on me was that I needed to distance myself emotionally and physically from my girlfriend for a little bit in order to make rational decisions. I was living with my girlfriend at the time of her infidelity and I went home and stayed with family to avoid her for a few days. I refused her calls and made a point in not calling her while doing some deep thinking. I think many of us who have been cheated on want to monitor the cheater and be close to them as much as we can, hoping to prevent further cheating by being near them. While I was away from the relationship I began looking back at circumstances in our relationship that I paid no attention to before the cheating occurred. My girlfriend was constantly going out with other male friends and had some unusual relationships that I began to now question. I thought nothing of these friendships when I fully trusted her. These relationships became much more visible to me like a light passing through a prism I suddenly saw more of the spectrum of my girlfriend. There was Rusty the guy she always went for a walk with several nights a week, an ex-boyfriend who was constantly calling her at all hours of the night (sometimes sober, sometimes not), her old college friends who happened to be in town when I was out of town, or her male counterparts she befriended every weekend. After she had been caught cheating, the signs of a cheater were all around me. As I put all these situations together in my mind I realized that this was most likely not her first episode of cheating on me. It was the first time she had been caught cheating on me. As I returned to our apartment and we discussed our future it was very clear to me that I needed to impose consequences or an ultimatum on my girlfriend. She took very little responsibility for any of her actions and every speck of dust in our apartment that was out of place appeared to be a sign of cheating to me. Letters from the individual I caught her cheating with started appearing almost daily in the mail, he would call our apartment at times and she would take these calls in another room, routinely dropping his name in conversation and she continued this relationship even after we discussed trying to work on our relationship. Weeks later I moved out because I did not want to witness anymore of this mental burden in my own living environment. We continued to stay together in our relationship for the time being but I was unable to stay in that environment. If you allow yourself to be a doormat by a cheater they will abuse this behavior and push the envelope further with their behaviors. It is important to make sure a cheater knows that you will not tolerate this type of treatment and you must impose some sort of consequence for their actions. You may have to risk your relationship in the process but what kind of relationship do you really have if someone is willing to treat you as a consolation prize?