Finding An Outlet After An Affair

Trying to work through my relationship with my ex-girlfriend once I found out she was cheating was the most difficult thing I ever experienced. What do I do after knowing she cheated? Do I stay in this relationship or should I leave? Do I give my girlfriend an ultimatum? Do I even believe this relationship is salvageable? So many what ifs that only I could reasonably answer and I had already invested five years into my girlfriend did I really just want to leave? For me there was no perfect timeline or linear progression of things to do or a laundry list to check off as it pertains to figuring out what to do after learning about the cheating. What really worked for me was making sure that I did not do anything foolish towards the person my girlfriend cheated with or towards the relationship with my girlfriend. I simply did nothing for a few days. This was difficult because I was wrought with emotion and I had this need to micromanage her life as to somehow prevent her from continuing to cheat by keeping her in my sight at all times. Other times I isolated myself from my girlfriend, hung out with friends, and wanted to make sure I had a clear head before making any decisions about the status of our relationship. I would suggest not making any major decisions about your relationship or your life for a few days. Being cheated on is such a stressful satiation. The mind and body are filled with anxiety and pain as a result of the infidelity making coherent thoughts and decisions very difficult. I found that writing and venting into a notebook helped me a lot and it helped me keep a running log of my girlfriend's lies, stories, and excuses about our relationship. In time, my moonlighting little girlfriend began to hate my notebook so much that she attempted to destroy my notebook if she found it, became irritated when she found me writing in it, went looking for it when she noticed it not in my possession and hated the fact that I was the most content when I was writing or reading my notebook for comfort. When you are trying to figure out what to do in your relationship I suggest keeping yourself occupied as much as you can. Learn a new skill or hobby, hang out and lean on friends and family, and begin to work on yourself on matters unrelated to the relationship. I lost a lot of weight exercising and began pretending I did not care what my girlfriend did. Work on yourself and try to keep your mind as busy as possible. When you are at home alone with little to assist you in not thinking about your partner is when the difficulties managing your emotions become the most apparent. Take one day at a time and with each passing day things do get easier. You can and will recover.