Cheater Justification

When you finally catch your partner cheating or are able to force a confession from a cheater with a large amount of evidence from routine mistakes, this is when you really find out how selfish and self-centered your partner really is. For months or possibly years your partner has lied, willfully deceived you, and lived a secret life you were unaware of. Once that façade comes into clear view of the betrayed partner the excuses that are given from a wandering partner for their betrayal become many. When a person is caught in lies, when the betrayed partner begins to recognize their partners damaging behaviors, it is common for individuals to attempt to justify or rationalize their behaviors. When cheaters are first caught they almost always begin listing a litany of excuses as to why it was the betrayed partners fault for their decision to cheat. They state their partner was not meeting their needs, it was just a simple mistake, unbelievable connection to a person they cheated with, to drunkenness made them do it. These explanations or stating unfulfilled needs could have been better communicated verbally to their partner but some people choose cheating as their primary method of stating their unhappiness in relationships. Be very careful not to be drawn into an excuse making argument over the validity of a partners reasons to cheat. Cheating, affairs, infidelity, and serial sexual encounters while in a monogamous relationships with others are a conscious decision by flawed individuals. Often no amount of attention to all their needs is enough for cheating individuals from one person so they often look to multiple individuals to try and fill their happiness at the expense of others. The straying partner often has so much emotional and mental baggage that results in them attempting to achieve happiness externally through other people. For the betrayed partner, the first instinct is often of what did I do wrong to make my partner so unhappy to make this decision to cheat? Why am I not good enough for my partner that they needed someone other than me? Other betrayed partners replay every mistake they believed they have made in the relationship searching for answers. It is much easier for the betrayed partner to internalize relationships problems related to infidelity than to acknowledge that the partner they chose to love and trust willingly harmed them purposefully by seeking out other people. As I have said in past posts, the cheating has much more to do with the cheaters empty self-esteem and worth than it does the actions of the betrayed partner. The decision to sleep with another person involves deceitful planning and a secretive nature to them long before any actual cheating took place. These behaviors are often slowly building with another person over a given period of time. Most individuals know well before they make a relationship physical that they were crossing a line with a person other than their primary partner that was leading towards a direction that was inappropriate.