Affair Withdrawal

Affairs seem like a great idea in the beginning when there are no emotional attachments, when all parties involved have yet to be hurt or when that long awaited need is first satiated by the affair partner. As the lies begin to unfold and the wandering partner becomes creative in their deception little do they understand it is they who are being deceived. Affairs begin to take on a life of their own and become compulsive in nature for the wandering partner. Wandering partners in affairs are like pyromaniacs who "just want to play with matches". Before the wandering partner realizes it the affair partner is all they can think about. The wandering partner begins to think about ways to get away from their betrayed partner, which excuses they can utilize next to see their affair partner and what kind of mind blowing experience will be shared next with the affair partner. Once the wandering partner has reached this state it really does not matter if they are married, have families or have a n excellent job everything becomes secondary to the affair partner. The affair partner becomes addictive and like those struggling with addictions the wandering partner begins to change their behaviors, their personality often changes, along with emotional and psychological differences that become noticeable by others. Soon the wandering partner is making observable mistakes and soon after these errors lead to the discovery of the affair. . After the affair is discovered the wandering partner usually vows to end the affair and return to their primary partner if the betrayed partner allows it. The wandering partner confesses that they have seen the errors of their ways and wants to work on the primary relationship. Once the affair is discovered the affair is often immediately terminated without any closure if the wandering partner chooses to stay with the betrayed partner. However, the positive feelings and associations tied to the affair partner in the mind of the wandering partner are difficult to quit cold turkey. Wandering partners are often mesmerized by their affair partner and have a painful time letting go after the affair. Like a junkie looking for their next fix the affair partner leaves an emotional and psychological craving that the wandering partner desires. The sex that takes place in an affair is stereotypically and sociologically frowned upon and viewed as immoral which results in feeling that the sex in the affair was extraordinarily amazing. The wandering partner often believes that they have a special connection both sexually and emotionally to the affair partner leading to difficulties facing the end of the affair. In the mind of the wandering partner the affair partner filled a void that was missing in themselves and their relationship with their primary partner. For much of the affair the wandering partner found feelings that were missing for possibly years such as euphoria, elation and even a generally optimistic outlook on life. The wandering partner begins to believe they were better suited for the affair partner than their primary partner. Once the affair partner is removed the wandering partner often sinks into affair withdrawal. These feelings are the result of no longer having the affair partner around and the wandering partner begins experiencing the stages of grief resulting from the loss of their affair partner. The wandering partner is often angry, irritable, experiencing mood swings along with depression and anxiety. As the wandering partner addresses the loss of the affair partner the wandering partner will also have to address the issues of guilt, shame and blaming themselves for the affair relationship with the betrayed partner. These feelings of affair withdrawal can last for weeks or months depending on how the wandering partner disconnects from the affair partner. A betrayed partner that assists in the process of affair withdrawal by allowing some empathy in the grieving process can greatly reduce the affair withdrawal process. If the wandering partner continues contact with the affair partner the withdrawal process will take much longer or will be completely useless due to the wandering partner not removing themselves from the affair relationship. Sustaining contact with the affair partner restarts the entire process of facing withdrawal, healing, and moving forward all over again. Agreeing to contact the affair partner is like a male black widow entering the web of the female black widow. They feel compelled to enter, biologically and psychologically but they know in the end the result will not be positive. Any contact that is initiated with the affair partner after discovery will most likely be negative and make the wandering partner feel worse so just fight the temptation to contact the affair partner. Affair withdrawal is a difficult experience so it is best advised to complete it correctly the first time by not initiating any contact with the affair partner. All addictions whether chemical, emotional, or psychological are best addressed by abstaining from that which you are attempting to recover from. Withdrawing from an affair partner is no different. By entering affair rehab with a committed attitude and partner you can manage the symptoms of affair withdrawal. This is accomplished by avoiding the affair partner at all costs, work on yourself and your relationship with your partner while filling the void left behind by the affair partner. After enough time has passed the withdrawal from the affair partner will decrease allowing the primary relationship to apply the emotional energy of the relationship on healing the relationship as couple. When this starts to occur the wandering partner suddenly notices the fallacy of their affair, the affair partner and the pain they inflicted on those around them. The wandering partner begins to resent the affair partner and often begins realizing the trauma they have inflicted on those around them. As long as you stick to a no contact approach, make an effort to remove the affair partner from your thoughts, engage the primary partner in recovery and appropriately communicating during the withdrawal process a wandering partner can clear the fog of the affair.