When A Wandering Partner Will Not Talk About The Affair

The recovery process after an affair is dependent on honest communication for reconciliation to occur. This process can be very complicated by a wandering partner who refuses to talk about the affair in any meaningful manner. Some wandering partners are ashamed of their behavior, feel guilty as they witness the decay of the betrayed partner as a result of their behavior and do not wish to discuss the affair. Others are just narcissists who simply do not feel the need to discuss anything that does not directly affect them. No matter what the reasons for refusing to discuss the affair with the betrayed partner not talking or giving open dialogue for the betrayed partner to get answers they are looking for will build stress, resentment and greatly decrease the speed at which full reconciliation can occur. Infidelity is often one of the most dreadful experiences of a betrayed partner's life and the inability to discuss this with the wandering partner whom they share their life only intensifies the agony and lengthens the healing process. A wandering partner's inability to communicate effectively could be what led to wandering partner's affair in the first place and avoiding communication after an affair leaves the very fragile relationship even more susceptible to relationship problems. It is very important to encourage any form of communication if there is any possibility of the healing process to begin. It is important for betrayed partners to take the lead and ask all the questions they feel are needed to address the affair and what they are feeling as a result of the wandering partner's infidelity. If the wandering partner is refusing to communicate or wishes to pretend that the relationship is repairing itself the betrayed partner will have to take some drastic measures to start the communication process with the wandering partner. The most effective form of beginning this communication process is to set a time that both of you agree to talk. The last thing you want to do is aggressively walk into a room and begin venting and crying about how the affair has affected you. This tactic feels like an emotional attack only heightening the strain of the relationship, reducing the likelihood of any constructive communication and might cause the wandering partner to get up and walk out. The goal is to get communication going if only for a few minutes from the avoidant wandering partner. As a betrayed partner you are entitled to answers regarding the affair. It is essential that the wandering partner provide support, encouragement and honest communication in this process. The betrayed partner may not like the answers they receive but being honest and open about what the betrayed partner feels they need to understand their partners indiscretions is essential in the recovery process. If the wandering partner is avoiding giving answers to what the betrayed partner is looking for a great place to start is general discussion what the absence of effective communication and how this is affecting the betrayed partner. Sitting down and openly discuss how avoiding the discussion is affecting the betrayed partner often opens up the difficult process of communicating about the affair for the wandering partner. Have the wandering partner discuss their fears of talking about the affair with the betrayed partner. Pretending that nothing is wrong after an affair is not honest nor is it beneficial for either partner. The wandering partner must be accountable for their actions and if they are unable to talk about their decision to have an affair they should at least empathetically listen to the feelings of their betrayed partner. This may result in the wandering partner watching the betrayed partner crying their way through how the affair has obliterated their self-esteem, trust and feelings of insecurities. The wandering partner basically has to be the backbone for the betrayed partner given how their actions have destroyed their relationship partner. It is the wandering partner that has to improve the relationship through changed behaviors, better communication, remorse for their actions, personal accountability, etc. For recovery to occur after an affair a couple has to come together to discuss the fears that each are feeling. This process may produce very little in the early attempts but if the couple trying to reconcile are only able to comfort each other, support each other and stop remaining in the same position day after day it is a start towards reconciliation. The couple can at least reaffirm their position that they want to work towards reconciliation. There is no surefire way to make a wandering partner talk about the affair or even sit through a betrayed partner's feelings as a result of the affair. Simply avoiding the whole process is impossible and will not go away because you wish it away. It would be great if people just got over such traumatic betrayals easily but reconciliation does not work that way. A wandering partner must take a very long journey inside themselves in addressing infidelity and this is part of the recovery wandering partners want to avoid. The decision to cheat really becomes painful to see when you witness what it does to the betrayed partner whom you are attempting to reconcile with. The betrayed partners questions regarding the affair make the wandering partner shrivel as a human being with each tear running down the side of the betrayed partners face and each hyperventilating breath unnaturally exhaled as a result of emotional trauma. The process of reconciliation is an endless process in the eyes of the wandering partner. They feel repeatedly victimized by their own guilt, their partners make them feel like sadists as they communicate details of the affair to an examining betrayed partner. I think fighting through that small barrier and finding the ability for a little communication is not asking too much given what was dealt to the betrayed partner.