How To Avoid Infidelity In A Relationship

It seems that a person cannot even turn on their television, open a web browser, or view the cover of a popular magazine without reading about another marriage damaged by infidelity. There have been recent instances of celebrity infidelity with individuals such as Tiger and Elin Woods, Jesse James and Sandra Bullock just to name a few. As I listen to many who demonize these marriages and the individuals involved in them, I did a little digging and found that in the life time of a marriage that sixty percent of men will cheat in their marriage and fifty percent of women will cheat at some point in their marriage. Statistically that means that at some point the majority of marriages have at least one person cheating over the span of their marriages. So what is the key to being one of the unique marriages that is able to avoid temptation, power through the difficult moments, and not look outside the marriage for validation or getting your needs met elsewhere?
When a person enters a marriage they seldom are thinking that their marriage is the one that will fail. However, statistically that is the most likely outcome upon entering marriage given the information we know about divorce rates, infidelity, and the ability for couples to skillfully problem solve in their marriages. Divorce is the second most stressful life event behind death of a spouse according to The Holmes/Rahe Social Adjustment Scale; we would think we would all do our best to avoid such a stressful life event. We all want to be in a marriage that can be the unique one that is able to avoid infidelity and reduce the chances of ending up in divorce court. Successful marriages that have been able to last decades, remain connected, and avoid infidelity have several common characteristics that assist in making their relationships last.
Spend Time Reinforcing Common Interests
Couples usually select each other based in part on having something in common. These common interests are what bring most couples closer together before marriage. Having interests that both you enjoy make date planning easier and often gives you and your partner something to talk about. Common interests are also a way that you and your partner can always remain connected with one another. Happy couples find ways to strengthen their relationships with activities that both of you can enjoy. Often in marriages it is easy to forget what brought the two of you together as you juggle the responsibilities of life but those couples that share things in common always have something to fall back on when things are not working out so well in the marriage. Making time for you and your significant other to participate in those interests will assist in solidifying attachments to each other in your relationship. Do not allow boredom to infiltrate your relationship and continue to have fun together by expressing your companionship with things that both of you enjoy together as you get older.
Your Marriage Should Be #1
Make sure that your relationship with your significant other is always center stage. The time to work on your relationship is not when things are not going well. Put in the effort to make your relationship fun and make your relationship a priority. If you put in the effort to do little things that are needed to make the relationship successful every day you will most likely not have to worry about or wonder how things got really bad many years from now. Discuss how you can make your relationship better with each other. Addressing the small things you are lacking presently will often head off marital ruts and resentment. If your partner is happy more often than not you are happy as well. When things are noticeably slipping in your marriage; address them immediately. A cavalier "I will get to that problem later" attitude slowly builds rifts in your marriage until one evening some time later you realize that the little rift has grown into a gaping canyon. Ask each other routinely about the feelings regarding your relationship and take note of what each other are saying in this discussion.
Do Not Take Your Partner For Granted
As time goes by it is easy to fall into a pattern that your partner will just always be there for you when you need them and that the relationship does not need any reinforcement of any kind. I am a big believer of random acts of kindness in a relationship. Send flowers or gifts on an occasional other than an anniversary, Valentine's Day, birthday, or when you screw up. Leave their favorite treat on a car seat before work, put a note of appreciation in their lunch, and thank them for making an extra stop after work for you. Show your partner that you appreciate them for all aspects of the relationship. Let them know that you notice their effort and thank them for it. Give your partner credit when you notice them going a little further than they need to. Look at them and smile lovingly from across the table when you think of your life without them. Empower the relationship everyday so your partner does not fall into the loving arms of a person who notices exactly how lucky you are to have your significant other.

Refrain From Putting Yourself Into Inappropriate Situations
Do not participate in situations where you could find yourself vulnerable. If you notice an attraction with other people do not allow yourself to nurture this relationship or be alone with that person. If you feel that you are being flirted with or are flirting yourself, address those behaviors directly and refrain from participating in the flirting. Avoid being alone on a business trip or a conference with someone you know has feelings for you or has flirted with you. The beautiful coworker that is sometimes flirting with you and running through your mind is not as perfect as you think they are. The mind and heart are very clever at filling in the gaps when feelings of attraction occur. Be sure to establish clear boundaries with friends, coworkers, and others. You cannot get your needs met outside of your primary relationship and still expect your relationship to function sufficiently for both of you. Make sure all your emotional/physical needs are being met in your relationship with your significant other. If they are not; discuss them with your partner but do not venture outside your relationship looking to fill the void with another person. Finding others to fill your emotional needs is the fast track to emotional affairs and physical infidelity. Let others know about your significant other through your conversations. Make it clear that you should be off of everyone's radar because you are constantly talking about your partner.
Never Go To Bed Upset
How you handle arguments between the two of you will make a huge difference in how you move forward after each situation where differences of opinions turned into moments of marital strain. Couples will always have differences of opinions, how they approach conflicts, and how they convey frustration makes a huge difference in the outcome of marital disagreements. Couples that have the most success propelling through difficult times address their concerns with each other in a timely manner. If you have any differences that you are harboring internally do not avoid them. There is no time like the present to convey your feelings to a partner. It is imperative that you are honest and do not allow your differences to build up and aggravate your living situation or your attitude towards your partner. Address the problems immediately and try not to blame or place responsibility onto your partner. Explain your reasons for your feelings and bring them to the attention of your partner. Discuss what is bothering you and be upfront about it. Try not to carry your anger into the bedroom before the end of the night. Talk things through and try and come to a solution that is amicable to both individuals in the relationship. Make up before you fall asleep for the night.
Continue To Be Affectionate
Continue to offer each other signs of personal affection. When going for a walk, in public, or even on the couch, hold hands and snuggle. Give as many hugs and kisses as possible each day. Throw in a few kind words and an "I love you" when you are thinking it. Personal affection that involves personal contact is a way to preserve intimacy between you and your partner. Letting your significant other know how much you care with a light touch on the hand, on the small of their back and long gazes into their eyes are important indicators of intimacy between you and your partner. Affection that is nonsexual in nature embraces the feelings of intimacy between you and your partner. When you see a couple making out together at a movie theater, at a restaurant or in public you secretly wish you still had those butterflies or intensity in your relationship. Instead of pretending you are grossed out or secretly mocking that couple with your partner make it happen with your partner. When was the last time you flirted with your significant other? Continue to flirt with your partner and tell them how wonderful they are. If they buy a new dress, whistle when you see them wear it. Continue to compliment them on their charming smile. I attempt to keep the ratio of compliments to complaints in my relationships to a three to one margin. Reinforce your admiration for each other with the dialogue between the two of you. If you are thinking about your partner at work why not make a phone call just telling them you were thinking of them and fill them in on the thought just to let them know that you were thinking about them. Let them know that you feel guilty because you are one of the few to marry the right person.
Support Each Other
Emotional support is the backbone to most healthy relationships. One thing that most people need in a relationship is someone who will listen to them in all aspects of their lives. The first question you should ask your partner when you see them is "how was your day"? Be prepared to just sit and listen if your partner was caught in a bad situation at work. Perhaps your partner is feeling that no one is listening to them outside of your home but make sure that you are always listening to your partner. Often times all you need to do is offer an ear as your partner attempts to escape their feelings of being overlooked at work. Perhaps you have been notified of a serious medical condition or the possibility of one. Be the person your partner looks to for encouragement, support, and a confidant. You do not have to solve the problem or offer suggestions. Assist your partner by empathizing with their situation, validating their concerns, and offer emotional support. Be supportive in positive life events as well. You and your significant other are not in a competition. Do not be envious of the raise they received, be proud and let them know that. Lack of emotional support or admiration for each other is a springboard for seeking emotional needs outside of the relationship. A person will only allow themselves to feel ignored or unappreciated for so long before they begin looking for this need outside of a relationship. Couples who display emotional support in their relationships offer their partners no incentive to look outside their relationship. Your partner should be the number one confidant in your life in most circumstances. If this is not the case in your relationship ask yourself why your partner isn't yours. Emotional support can be accelerated in its quality by adding a few intimate gestures. Offer a shoulder to cry on during tough times, holding their hand when your partner is displaying fear, and a smile across the room as you proudly celebrate their promotion.
 Make Love
Sex is obviously an important component to a healthy relationship. Those couples who engage in sex routinely are less likely to seek this need outside of your relationship. Sex also reinforces intimacy and feelings that you have for each other. It is important that you discuss what both of you want and need from each other in the bedroom. Keep communication open about your sex life and attempt to keep your sex life interesting, and fresh with each other. Do not be afraid to experiment and try new things. Sex is an emotional and physical experience that continues to assert your love for each other and the process of finding out new things about each other. By reaffirming your love for each other in the bedroom you strengthen the bond between you and your significant other. Rediscover your passion for each other if you feel you have lost it. If you are unhappy about areas in your life that are preventing your sex life from being as special or as routine as you would it to be, discuss these reasons with your partner. A conscious choice of disregarding your sex life produces feelings of temptation for your significant other to seek this need outside of the relationship.

Hang Out with Happy Couples
Spend time with other people who are in happy relationships as to avoid the possibility of learning in poor marital habits. Individuals who are not interested in being committed in their relationships are not people you and your significant other want to hang out with. Attitude is contagious and if you are around those who are in unhappy relationships you may soon find yourself in a difficult situation in your marriage. Be open to learning from other couples mistakes so the same thing does not happen to your relationship. Find a way to learn what works positively for other couples as well.
Spend time just talking.
The underlying theme in most of the areas listed above in keeping your marriage free of infidelity is communication through the tough times and the good times. Talk to each other about your feelings or about your day. Lack of communication is a major factor why people begin to look outside their relationships. When things are not going well between you and your significant other, try to do more listening than talking. Verbalize all concerns that you have in all of the areas in your relationship but be respectful. It is difficult to take anyone's concerns seriously if name calling and behavioral tantrums are your primary methods of communicating. Most individuals in a relationship just want to heard, feel important, and need to feel appreciated in their relationship. It is important that the two of you find some part of the day to have a discussion and just check in with each other. This does not have to be a major tear jerking moment but just an opportunity to connect and reinforce that you still care about each other and that you are there for each other should it be necessary.
A relationship or marriage that is able to ward of temptation and infidelity seems to be a rarity these days. Every now and then I hear from a friend or two whose parents or relatives are celebrating their fortieth or fiftieth wedding anniversary. These occasions give the rest of us something to shoot for. The above tips are not one hundred percent fool proof but in those marriages that last much longer than others there appears to be a large correlation with the above examples reoccurring more often in successful relationships and marriages. The bottom line is that to be successful in marriage or long term relationships you must be willing to work for it and the best place to start is with you. If you are a respectful partner towards your significant other, the chances of them reciprocating those feelings and attitude towards you are quite high. The likelihood your partner will need to look outside your relationship or marriage to satisfy an essential emotional or physical need that is missing is low if you and your partner are able to communicate effectively and implement the above criteria into your marriage or relationship as often as possible.
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