The Positives of an Affair; Shut Up

I have had a few people make an interesting statement the past few weeks that I really have a problem with. Before stating what this statement was I must state that I am very empathetic towards couples that manage to put their lives back together after an affair or a string of infidelities. The work that goes into this endeavor often takes years to repair, the destruction among friends and families in the reconciliation period is painful to accept and the dedication that must ensue for months or years after an affair is something that I can applaud to those who are able to successful ford the raging river of infidelity. I chose to escape the train wreck that infidelity smashed into my relationship. However, I am a little skeptical of individuals telling me that an affair had a positive effect on their relationship, an affair has made their relationship stronger and my favorite the affair was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship. The wife of one of my friends told me this a few days ago. A few things that I find interesting about people who make these statements are that they are the ones that usually cheated and it often sounds like they are trying to convince themselves of their statement. If affairs are so powerful in restoring the strength of relationships why do so many people end relationships upon learning about their wandering partner's infidelities? These individuals report improved communication, a renewed sense of focus on the relationship and not taking each other for granted. Others report making an extra effort to spend time together, improved appreciation for each other, and realizing what they nearly lost. I believe all these same things could have been accomplished with proper communication or a good marriage counselor. This would have spared the betrayed partners several weeks of tears and the appalling mental images of their partners with their affair partner. There are an abundant different ways to strengthen a relationship besides cheating. The idea of an affair strengthening a relationship when their needs are not met or during difficult times is ludicrous. Being in a relationship with a person who believes this would leave me petrified of another affair when the next set of problems present themselves. As someone who was betrayed in a relationship I can say being involved with a cheater made me open my eyes more in the rest of relationships from that point forward but I really wished I could have escaped the experience of cheating. Being cheated on certainly did nothing to strengthen my relationship I was betrayed in but I left after a few months of trying to repair that fiery Hindenburg. I believe there is a lot of cognitive dissonance involved in reporting happiness and strength of a relationship to others after an affair is addressed. In order to justify the emotional pain of repairing the relationship, accepting a flawed partner who strayed and accepting personal and social shame, I believe many couples convince themselves that their relationship is better off as a result of an affair. I know that many couples do end up repairing relationships, moving forward from an affair and report a renewed connection in the relationship after an affair. Again I am happy for these individuals but I do not believe the relationship is better off because of an affair, it is more positive in spite of the affair. An affair is one of those life changing events that rips you into tiny pieces but once you reassemble the pieces you feel stronger because you made it through such an atrocious event. Affairs make you find courage, strength and perseverance that you never knew you had and you feel elevated by the experience. The experience breaks you down and changes you forever. Traversing and surviving an affair makes all future problems that a relationship can face appear insignificant. I found the experience of an affair as a betrayed partner ridiculously traumatic and found very little positive experiences to hold onto; with the exception that I knew that I was not going to have to worry about who my ex-girlfriend Angela was going to cheat with in the future because it was not going to me.